I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
