What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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