Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
