so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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