I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
