I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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