Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you win again, gameday.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
