chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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