Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
