We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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