I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
