I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
