my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
