i was born a porn star she said
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
