How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
