The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize