how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
