I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
