If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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