she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
