I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
