before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
