let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
