forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
