I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
