my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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