I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
