I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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