please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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