were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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