I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
