I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My penis needs a shock collar
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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