I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
