i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
