Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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