My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
