pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
