No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
