When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
