Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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