I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
