he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
