It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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