There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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