Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
