i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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