pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
