oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
