my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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