I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
