she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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