ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
