i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
