Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much