Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast